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TechnoPagan Church

Welcome the world's premier Pseudo-Religion

What is the "Holy Technopagan-Presbypartian Church"?

We'll, it's not easy to describe without going into a complex, intricate and convoluted ideological dissertation without the aid of lots of alcohol and mind altering substances. So we'll try to put it into a nutshell, or beer-cap, if you please. Actually, "Technopagnan-Presbypartianism" is best described if we discuss The history of it all.

First of all, we aren't pagans who practice our religion with the help of the internet even though there are people who do so, but we pre-date them by a number of years.

Second, we are somewhat 'discordian' in certain aspects, at least intellectually speaking. Third, intellectually speaking, we tend to believe, but not all the time, that enlightenment can come from chaos because contemplating the chaotic frees one's mind of certain intellect inhibiting bad habits. The ability to free one's mind, embrace chaos and derive enlightenment from it is best accomplished with certain tools at hand, such as a six-pack or two of fine beer close at hand. We firmly believe that mankind's best moments of inspiration came as the results of consuming vast quantities of beer. Just kidding, but the beer does make swallowing the whole concept of Technopaganism a whole lot easier .

Fourth, well, uh, I seem to have forgotten what the forth point is so let me get another beer from the fridge and think about it for a while. I'm sure it will come to me in a while. Be right back.

OK, I'm back. Now where was I going with this. Since I forgot the fourth point, and I haven't yet completely consumed my next beer yet, I'll move on to another subject.

The Founding of the "Holy Technopagan-Presbypartian Church, Holy Synod of Drunken Fools and Jesters"

While drinking vast quantities of beer in a remote and wilderness part of the holy land of New Jersey (known as the 'Long, Skinny Park), way back in 1986, hence forth to be know as the year 0 TE (Technopagan Era) we pondered the meaning of life, the universe, existentialism, etc. etc., etc., and we came to the profound conclusion that life is meaningless and everything we do is useless. Everybody dies and nobody's happy. Then we concluded that there must be something more to it than this. We concluded that the ultimate meaning of life is Beer, because, as to paraphrase Ben Franklin, God invented beer because he loves his creations. Then we also concluded that since there was nothing left to do but to alleviate this existential angst we concluded that another purpose of life must be to have as much fun as possible and have as many good laughs as possible, preferably at the expense of others.

This, in turn, lead to the creation of the term "TechnoPaganism". While viewing an ancient Egyptian stele that depicts Egyptian Noblemen bringing gifts of beer to the Pharoah and noticing that it was the "priests" who engineered the great works of ancient Egypt, we concluded that in ancient pagan societies, the religious leaders (priests, etc.) Were also the engineers. The final conclusion was that religion is just a primitive attempt at technology (i.e.: praying to deities for rain, etc., in order to produce rain, etc.). Then came the great defining moment: Technology + Paganism = Technopaganism!

Future babbling to be added to the Techopagan-Presbypartian Analects in the near future.

The holy miracles of fermanetation

The twelve labors of beer

The Holy Trinity of Malt, Hops and Yeast

The Technopagan Saints

This page written, somewhere far from New Jersey, and thankfully so:

November 24, 2002 AD,

Year 16 of the Technopagan Era

Prickle-Prickle, day 36 of The Aftermath, YOLD: 3168 (impecuniosity)

161:03:00 (1), Erisian Time

Set forth by the hand of St. Flatus Ignitis, Pope and Grand Invisible Poobah of the Holy Technopagan-Presbypartian Church, Holy Synod of Drunken Fools and Jesters, subject to arbitrary editing as seen fit, under advisement of St. Caligula Califonicus of the Technopagan-Presbypartian Cabal.

Fnord, and all that happy horseshit,

Pope St. Flatus Ignitis, bla, bla, bla, bla and so on.